From the Inside Out: Dealing with the darkest hours

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a crushing blow, you know first-hand that life isn’t always fair, bad things can happen, and life can be radically altered in an instant.

As a leader, it’s imperative that you recognize the difference between someone suffering under one of life’s crushing boulders versus the self-inflicted consequences of having dropped the ball on a life task. When it’s a boulder, be there. When it’s a life task, the individual needs to step up to the plate.

Boulders entail devastating marriage and family losses and economic or physical calamities that can rock the very foundation of a person’s being and leave individuals in a wounded state. In their darkest hour, people need to know that they are not alone. In addition, they may need tangible help in overcoming what has befallen them. When someone you lead is suffering, the most important thing you can do is show up.

What does showing up look like? It varies.

When a police officer lost her mother, her entire squad attended the funeral in Class A uniforms. While their gesture couldn’t take away the pain of her loss, she felt loved and supported.

When a co-worker had emergency surgery, others took over his primary responsibilities so he didn’t have to worry or face a mountain of unfinished work upon his return.

When a child was diagnosed with cancer, a friend organized caring individuals wanting to help. Some provided babysitting, others food, and still others money to hire a housecleaner. Each act of kindness freed up the parents to fight for their daughter, and helped keep their heads above water both financially and emotionally.

As a relational leader you’ll want to:

Provide support as an individual. A phone call, card, flower arrangement or gift card, and the assurance that they need not worry about work during their darkest hour, convey caring, compassion and respect.

Quickly activate organizational support on your employee’s behalf. Many organizations have an emergency fund available to employees. Others enable supervisors to be generous with sick leave and/or flex time. Still others have a sick leave bank to which fellow employees can donate. Think outside the box. The only true limitations to the support you can provide are your resources and creativity.

Send flowers, a gift card or a card from the company and/or department. Tangible support from an organization speaks volumes about their care for their employees.

Understand they are not going to fully be themselves during, or following, a life changing event. We have a flu model for grief and resolving problems in North America, which basically means we give people seven days to get back to their “old selves.” That simply isn’t realistic. Some losses and events are appropriately mourned for a lifetime. Give them time to adjust to a new normal, expect a grief fog to enshroud them, and provide concrete help when their energy and focus falter.

Recognize when an employee is trapped in trauma. Violence, accidents or an exposure to a real or perceived threat affects different people in different ways. While most individuals bounce back fairly quickly, others may become traumatized and get trapped in intense emotions of fear and anxiety. If you suspect someone is traumatized, refer them to a trained trauma specialist as quickly as possible. Regular counseling won’t work.

Giving will cost you something; it always does. But imagine the loyalty and gratitude you and your company will enjoy in return. Who wouldn’t want to work, and go above and beyond, for an organization that was there for them when their need was greatest?

As an relational leadership expert, Sherene works with organizations who want to equip their leaders to step up, bring out the best in others, and enjoy exceptional success. sherenemchenry.com.